Getting Lost

I like to do really aimless stuff or more accurately I really want to do really aimless stuff. Like driving to anywhere anytime and just get lost. Getting lost and not worry about how to get home or anything is one thing I want to try before I get really old and blind. Haha.  But life's not that aimless sometimes or maybe anytime now. But if I dont do it now aka young coughs tho I feel 50 physically, when do I do these stuff. .. Hmm one day maybe.

Amd its been too long since my last concert and I feel very dead but people dont come to malaysia and I am sad. Can you believe I missed bigbang twice haha nice right.

Def the freedom and weather I miss most in aus. Wherever I go now dad thinks im gonna get kidnap. Sighs. Why world.. .. ... ...

Hah

Remember how I said I don't want Jimin in my last post HAH lieS LIES  I want him bad. So bad. I bet yal knew even lol amazing. Yes I contradict myself so much 24/7 I'm amused. Ok right after this I'm enrolling self into a mental hospital. GOOd bye. I feel like I have to type it all out so I won't be having such strong feelings anymore lmao fingers crossed it'll work. Alicia's fangirling struggle. Jimin plEASE get a girlfriend so my struggle would end.Pleas e. Ok and I'm well aware that 60% of my playlist is sensual af but yal cant deny the R&B goodness ok just embrace them thanks trey chris drake party next door the weeknd pleasE keep making music bless.

Too much

This place / blog saves my life. I kinda come up here when there's too much on my mind and when I have to vomit those too much out. Utterly grateful to this blog and of course when I feel like it's time to change my playlist. I am so into The Weeknd these days I'm about to spell the weekend wrongly,permanently, plus I have been really loving bangtan. With bangtan I've been there since their debut but with their recent comeback, man have I fell in love, with Jimin. Jimin man he be making me wanna write a song for him. I don't know if I would really do it but I would love to because I am having really strong feelings towards him these days i think I'm going crazy, like I want it to go away but at the same time kinda scared for this feeling to go away. This feeling makes my heart flutters which don't happen often, not this kind.You must say at this point there goes alicia again doing her fangirling thing well I guess I can't blame you because that is what it is actually. Fangirling, though not a fan of the word, but i guess thats the only word that describes huh, he's the dude who presents himself out to 91824791264 people and I am just not more than one of the 91824791264,but he brings me happiness so much happiness at the moment and I love his voice I love the way he moves I love his falsettos I love his smile I love how i would swear sexy he is . Shit I think it's time to send me to a mental hospital, istg this is as unhealthy as everything sounds haha. Man like if I'm seriously writing about my feelings towards him on this blog right now, I'm positively sure I'm halfway past crazy. He is so far away literally and non literally , its almost impossible and when I think of it, there's this thing that does it's thing to my heart. man I need to wake up but I don't want to , he's such a beautiful dream, I can't believe I'm writing this man, what have I become, I bet he gets letters like these every single day from fangirls saying how they love him how he brightens up their days and shit I don't  know if I love him well I say I love him damn I say I love so many people man love itself is so broad, love itself defines itself. It's not even like I want to date him or shit lol I don't know if yal believe this but I have no intention of having him as a boyfriend, like he deserves so much better and everything more. I'm having goosebumps typing all these out I am amazed with myself. Yal know yal in too deep when you get butterflies just by thinking of the person man and thats exactly me right now with Jimin, I don't know how he does it, or how I've gotten this far or maybe it's actually time for me to get a real REAL boyfriend. With Jimin it's like I don't even know him personally I just see him on the screen I have no idea how the hell can I have such strong feelings, I don't know if these feelings are towards him or the character that he portrays or the idea of him or I don't even know, what if he is completely opposite of what he is on screen, and I'm just telling myself that I know him well enough by all the stuff I see on screen because it feels real, but really who am I to tell if it's real or nah, I just end up believing what I want to, as what we all do, or more accurately I guess I'm hoping it's all real, that thats actually him , not a character, not an idea, just him. Sometimes I wonder if I would really hate him if I've known him personally. Look how long has this been and I'm not even sure if I'm done is this the time someone just comes and slap the shit out of me so I would wake up. I want to write more at the same time feeling the tired as well.

But since we talked about boyfriend a lil up there and how boyfriendless i am now or since 1995, technically not a sin or a disadvantage or how I really want a boyfriend now but stuff once in a while comes up on tumblr or in a song (when 90% of songs are about love it makes you wonder man), you can't help but think, or maybe just me. When I was scrolling through tumblr today i saw this post and quote:

"I hope you fall in love with someone who always texts back and never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted. I hope you fall in love with someone who holds your hand during the scary parts of horror movies and burns cookies with you when you’re too busy dancing around the kitchen. I hope you fall in love with someone who sees galaxies in your eyes and hears music in your heartbeats. I hope you fall in love with someone who tickles you and makes you smile on hard days and on easy ones. But beyond all I hope that you fall in love with someone who will never leave you behind and who will never take you for granted, someone who will stand by you when you’re right and will stand by you when you’re wrong. Someone who has seen your worst and has loved you still. I hope you fall in love with someone who kisses you in the rain and hugs you on cold winter days and wouldn’t have you any other way."

Cheesy but still thank you I hope so too, because I feel like we all hope so too even a little in us , why am I talking for the whole nation haha if you're not then right man cool you do you. You know how some people say you gotta love yourself first before someone else could love you but why is one person unworthy of love just because they don't have enough self love/ self esteem/ confidence in themselves? Can't they both slowly love the person together, wouldn't it be the solution to all the doubts, when someone else is taking the doubts off from yourself instead of you keep trying so hard to lift them off yourself. And to those who say they don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend or basically another person to make them happy I wonder if it really so because I believe everyone craves love ya feel? I don't think I'm one of those person whos strongly against the whole boyfriend thing, heck I am not even close to be against it, I think it is beautiful. I just kinda like to go with the flow, but as I grow older aka 20 now woah, and have never been in love you would have thoughts you know, like will I die without the experience of being in love. As a believer of "everything happens for a reason" and "it will happen when it happens" I don't have any intentions to rush things to be honest, I don't even know a lot of people or really outgoing or breathtakingly beautiful or extremely excellent in any kind of way, so I don't expect anything hahaha, or truth to be told expecting a lil something while saying i don't expect anything. Nah but I know myself I stay in my lane hahahaha. Yeah so just been wondering how does falling in love feels like listening to all these love songs heartbreak songs and all these shows as they describe it sometimes really cute and sweet and beautiful and everything someone could imagine and more to heartbreakingly painful, but I feel like falling in love is something essential in life like everyone should get to experience being in love or being loved regardless of how it ends. Forreals, I don't think you should be thinking about how something ends without starting or halfway through, thats just........bad, man.


I think I've wrote too much in one night haha, but this is my blog, and I represent myself not the world not the whole human population so everything said or written in here is purely based on my personal thoughts and just what I'm feeling at the moment so if you ain't feeling it, you ain't feeling it man we cool ,let's have ice cream together.

I'm gonna be putting a picture of Jimin on top man im yeah.......


Till next time, if you're not sick of me yet.

First day.

Here I am blogging on my phone at 1 am of 2.1.15. New year. Just another new day. Tho I must say im pretty excited bout 2015.

I didnt want to blog because I dont have the mobile blogger thing and I have to wake up early for work tomorrow. But as I lay here I realize im extrenely picky with people. Or thats what I think. Its actually rather hard for me to get close to people because I tend to flee when I feel like we don't click. Which explains how little friends I have. But I love them all and its amazing how great we clicked. Each and everyone one of them.

When I meet someone new I guess im friendly haha much confidence but as we talk and as I get to know you, if I somehow figure we wont click I literally back off,before we get any close,like I dont even know why.

I really miss my puchong friends and its soooooo hard to meet im dying. But first day of 2015 well spent with tmnt squad. I dont even know how we got this close,but im so amused and grateful. We just naturakly came together and I hope we last a long way.

Some of the photos we took today. Picture credits not mine of course.


Another thing I realize, technically quite long ago but just mentioning it now. Is that I don't need a lot of friends or clothes or branded stuff or a pretty face or a hella thin frame or a boyfriend. I just want to be happy. And let fate/nature do its thing. Because I strongly believe in fate heh. And I dont like forcing/hurrying into stuff or caring too much in those that I dont care. Hah I have no idea how to explain. But you get the point. Or nah. I am happy now with life and have been since pretty long ago and I love it and hope for it to be forever,which I have adequate amount of faith in.

I love people that give off good vibes and hope to bring good vibes to people as well. I have to mention this again but im absolutely thankful for all the people in my life. Still sticking by my side. Ill be by yours too. Lets live happily.

So I am writing this while choosing songs to put on here. I love this part. I have work tomorrow, it is twelve in the morning and I have so much on my mind lately I feel like I should revive this blog. Till' I come on here and typing actual shit I get sooooo lazy and don't feel like writing them anymore. Amazing.

Heading for Australia in less than 2 months?! Yes this is insane and this is actually happening. Going as an exchange student for only 6 months but I am hella hyped. I hope I didn't overestimate myself on this. I hope Australia makes me love it as much as I hope I would. I hope I meet new people, a lot of new people. I used to think i don't like people that much,which is rather still true,that explains why I don't go out every other night, I like the people that I like. However, I've grown to be really fascinated by people, by the way they act, by the kind and by the not-so. I've gotten myself out there since I got into uni I do stuff rather independently now I go to places alone now and the people that I've encountered are beyond sweet and I'm starting to really like people even the not so sweet ones. Another thing I am trying really hard not to judge people but i caught myself doing it unconsciously sometimes and wonder if it's human nature but anyways I am still working on it.

I am sooo into Kehlani lately she bout to be my main bae. She is so precious.

Yes hello this is a warning things get a lil more depressing over this one.
Do people actually get over deaths because if they do i must be doing it wrong because I don't think I can ever get over grandma's death like I miss her so much. Well its not those hardcore depression prone kind but it literally felt like she took a lil chunk of my heart with her like i actually feel the emptiness of the lil chunk and I was hoping it will kinda grow back like maybe it would pull some mitosis shit but its been 50 days and still no sign of that. The whole ritual is shady af and who for sure know what happen after death I literally have so many questions but I just really hope she is actually in a better place and is happy right now tho I would never know. I guess I just really need her existence and I kinda did not prepare self to go through people leaving me when I should. Its kinda funny how i thought that everyone would live longer than me hah.
I tried to recall what was the last thing she said to me and Im pretty sure she said "ok its enough,kar wai" in cantonese of course. Literally no one would call me kar wai in cantonese like she did anymore and I really need that.  So the story behind that was me rubbing her tummy for the air to get out or something like that, and it's been a while plus I was standing by her hospital bed,so i guess she thinks that I am tired so she asked me to stop.

Oh won't you look at that

Ahahahahaha guess this explained why the blog is called permanent writings instead of consistent writings. It's been pretty crazy how time passed though pretty sure its been a year? or more? ? ahahah I got in uni and stuff and even done with sem 1 , therefore, it feels right to come back here and write about everything again. SO, I'm here now at 4am too full on popcorn to sleep writing about stuff again.

Hmmm getting into uni is not the most nerve wrecking thing ever but its decent, there are a lot of good people and really nice experiences though on the other hand weekends do not feel like weekends and they have like long breaks in between exams such a torture. Plus its expensive as hell like wow not just monash like everywhere else too why does education cost so much. Anyways 1 sem down 5 more to go. Forget about that because hey I have like a whole month full of holidays and Adriadne is coming back soon so hell yeah but i feel like working too. Did i tell you I got a record player with my first ever earned salary? ahahha pretty crazy, but apparently i have to get a radio for it to actually work and now im using my parents really old wonky one. So I'm considering to get a job and get a new radio and heard that infinite is coming here again (fingers crossed). So yeah definitely need the money.

The start of my sem break has been insane midnight movies and more movies tomorrow because bro asked for it, and i think our family is pretty cool like we still go to movies with our parents. Maybe thats exactly the opposite of cool bc why am I still do that like Im a grown 18 year old pffft, but i think that its really cool that my parents put up with like stuff like these so I am grateful, though I know they are forced to /whispers/ brothers the king.

My car has been in a pretty bad condition as in I screwed up and hit and run and someone screwed up and pulled a hit and run on me too. Ok like hit and run is not exactly the right-est thing to do but at that time it was because it was a parked car and I have no idea what the hell am I suppose to do than to just hope that the person somehow could manage to find me so we could sort it out, but its been almost a month now and still no news I kinda felt guilty about it but I don't even know what I feel now.Maybe also partly because of someone did that to my car so i thought it was ok to do it to others as well but clearly not the best decision i made in life.


I hope I could get like 60% off my subjects this sem so i could actually apply to go to australia for 6 months next sem because I feel like it something that I should experience lmao sounds hella selfish but I want to try living in somewhere new without people that care about me. It would be hard though because people are hella racist and I can say this because I actually experienced it even as a tourist there so hah 2nd not so best decision in life?

I've been thinking and I kinda want to write it out here put i cant really put my thoughts into words maybe one day when i have great vocab and after my brain sorts itself out I would gladly lay out my thoughts here.


Maybe I should sleep its half past 4 AM god and I have to get up 4 hours later to fetch mum and did i mention I am the worst with directions ahahah one time tried coming back from one utama but went straight to kuala lumpur that was a hella rad one i must say.


GOODNIGHT.