So I am writing this while choosing songs to put on here. I love this part. I have work tomorrow, it is twelve in the morning and I have so much on my mind lately I feel like I should revive this blog. Till' I come on here and typing actual shit I get sooooo lazy and don't feel like writing them anymore. Amazing.

Heading for Australia in less than 2 months?! Yes this is insane and this is actually happening. Going as an exchange student for only 6 months but I am hella hyped. I hope I didn't overestimate myself on this. I hope Australia makes me love it as much as I hope I would. I hope I meet new people, a lot of new people. I used to think i don't like people that much,which is rather still true,that explains why I don't go out every other night, I like the people that I like. However, I've grown to be really fascinated by people, by the way they act, by the kind and by the not-so. I've gotten myself out there since I got into uni I do stuff rather independently now I go to places alone now and the people that I've encountered are beyond sweet and I'm starting to really like people even the not so sweet ones. Another thing I am trying really hard not to judge people but i caught myself doing it unconsciously sometimes and wonder if it's human nature but anyways I am still working on it.

I am sooo into Kehlani lately she bout to be my main bae. She is so precious.

Yes hello this is a warning things get a lil more depressing over this one.
Do people actually get over deaths because if they do i must be doing it wrong because I don't think I can ever get over grandma's death like I miss her so much. Well its not those hardcore depression prone kind but it literally felt like she took a lil chunk of my heart with her like i actually feel the emptiness of the lil chunk and I was hoping it will kinda grow back like maybe it would pull some mitosis shit but its been 50 days and still no sign of that. The whole ritual is shady af and who for sure know what happen after death I literally have so many questions but I just really hope she is actually in a better place and is happy right now tho I would never know. I guess I just really need her existence and I kinda did not prepare self to go through people leaving me when I should. Its kinda funny how i thought that everyone would live longer than me hah.
I tried to recall what was the last thing she said to me and Im pretty sure she said "ok its enough,kar wai" in cantonese of course. Literally no one would call me kar wai in cantonese like she did anymore and I really need that.  So the story behind that was me rubbing her tummy for the air to get out or something like that, and it's been a while plus I was standing by her hospital bed,so i guess she thinks that I am tired so she asked me to stop.