This place / blog saves my life. I kinda come up here when there's too much on my mind and when I have to vomit those too much out. Utterly grateful to this blog and of course when I feel like it's time to change my playlist. I am so into The Weeknd these days I'm about to spell the weekend wrongly,permanently, plus I have been really loving bangtan. With bangtan I've been there since their debut but with their recent comeback, man have I fell in love, with Jimin. Jimin man he be making me wanna write a song for him. I don't know if I would really do it but I would love to because I am having really strong feelings towards him these days i think I'm going crazy, like I want it to go away but at the same time kinda scared for this feeling to go away. This feeling makes my heart flutters which don't happen often, not this kind.You must say at this point there goes alicia again doing her fangirling thing well I guess I can't blame you because that is what it is actually. Fangirling, though not a fan of the word, but i guess thats the only word that describes huh, he's the dude who presents himself out to 91824791264 people and I am just not more than one of the 91824791264,but he brings me happiness so much happiness at the moment and I love his voice I love the way he moves I love his falsettos I love his smile I love how i would swear sexy he is . Shit I think it's time to send me to a mental hospital, istg this is as unhealthy as everything sounds haha. Man like if I'm seriously writing about my feelings towards him on this blog right now, I'm positively sure I'm halfway past crazy. He is so far away literally and non literally , its almost impossible and when I think of it, there's this thing that does it's thing to my heart. man I need to wake up but I don't want to , he's such a beautiful dream, I can't believe I'm writing this man, what have I become, I bet he gets letters like these every single day from fangirls saying how they love him how he brightens up their days and shit I don't know if I love him well I say I love him damn I say I love so many people man love itself is so broad, love itself defines itself. It's not even like I want to date him or shit lol I don't know if yal believe this but I have no intention of having him as a boyfriend, like he deserves so much better and everything more. I'm having goosebumps typing all these out I am amazed with myself. Yal know yal in too deep when you get butterflies just by thinking of the person man and thats exactly me right now with Jimin, I don't know how he does it, or how I've gotten this far or maybe it's actually time for me to get a real REAL boyfriend. With Jimin it's like I don't even know him personally I just see him on the screen I have no idea how the hell can I have such strong feelings, I don't know if these feelings are towards him or the character that he portrays or the idea of him or I don't even know, what if he is completely opposite of what he is on screen, and I'm just telling myself that I know him well enough by all the stuff I see on screen because it feels real, but really who am I to tell if it's real or nah, I just end up believing what I want to, as what we all do, or more accurately I guess I'm hoping it's all real, that thats actually him , not a character, not an idea, just him. Sometimes I wonder if I would really hate him if I've known him personally. Look how long has this been and I'm not even sure if I'm done is this the time someone just comes and slap the shit out of me so I would wake up. I want to write more at the same time feeling the tired as well.
But since we talked about boyfriend a lil up there and how boyfriendless i am now or since 1995, technically not a sin or a disadvantage or how I really want a boyfriend now but stuff once in a while comes up on tumblr or in a song (when 90% of songs are about love it makes you wonder man), you can't help but think, or maybe just me. When I was scrolling through tumblr today i saw this post and quote:
"I hope you fall in love with someone who always texts back and never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted. I hope you fall in love with someone who holds your hand during the scary parts of horror movies and burns cookies with you when you’re too busy dancing around the kitchen. I hope you fall in love with someone who sees galaxies in your eyes and hears music in your heartbeats. I hope you fall in love with someone who tickles you and makes you smile on hard days and on easy ones. But beyond all I hope that you fall in love with someone who will never leave you behind and who will never take you for granted, someone who will stand by you when you’re right and will stand by you when you’re wrong. Someone who has seen your worst and has loved you still. I hope you fall in love with someone who kisses you in the rain and hugs you on cold winter days and wouldn’t have you any other way."
Cheesy but still thank you I hope so too, because I feel like we all hope so too even a little in us , why am I talking for the whole nation haha if you're not then right man cool you do you. You know how some people say you gotta love yourself first before someone else could love you but why is one person unworthy of love just because they don't have enough self love/ self esteem/ confidence in themselves? Can't they both slowly love the person together, wouldn't it be the solution to all the doubts, when someone else is taking the doubts off from yourself instead of you keep trying so hard to lift them off yourself. And to those who say they don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend or basically another person to make them happy I wonder if it really so because I believe everyone craves love ya feel? I don't think I'm one of those person whos strongly against the whole boyfriend thing, heck I am not even close to be against it, I think it is beautiful. I just kinda like to go with the flow, but as I grow older aka 20 now woah, and have never been in love you would have thoughts you know, like will I die without the experience of being in love. As a believer of "everything happens for a reason" and "it will happen when it happens" I don't have any intentions to rush things to be honest, I don't even know a lot of people or really outgoing or breathtakingly beautiful or extremely excellent in any kind of way, so I don't expect anything hahaha, or truth to be told expecting a lil something while saying i don't expect anything. Nah but I know myself I stay in my lane hahahaha. Yeah so just been wondering how does falling in love feels like listening to all these love songs heartbreak songs and all these shows as they describe it sometimes really cute and sweet and beautiful and everything someone could imagine and more to heartbreakingly painful, but I feel like falling in love is something essential in life like everyone should get to experience being in love or being loved regardless of how it ends. Forreals, I don't think you should be thinking about how something ends without starting or halfway through, thats just........bad, man.
I think I've wrote too much in one night haha, but this is my blog, and I represent myself not the world not the whole human population so everything said or written in here is purely based on my personal thoughts and just what I'm feeling at the moment so if you ain't feeling it, you ain't feeling it man we cool ,let's have ice cream together.
I'm gonna be putting a picture of Jimin on top man im yeah.......
Till next time, if you're not sick of me yet.
